The Worst Things In Life Come Free To Us
by neverland-x
Summary: Written by my friend Xena. PM me for her Twitter if you want to tell her personally how amazing it is!


**Prologue**

I screamed when I saw him. My best friend and the closest of the boys to me was lying unconscious on the floor before me and I wasn't sure how to react. I didn't know if he was dead or just sleeping. Sleeping, I told myself. He's just sleeping Harry. Just sleeping. All I knew was that my best friend Louis Tomlinson was passed out on the floor with nothing but an empty tub of pills and a crumpled up note lying beside him. My immediate thoughts were to ring 999 but my feet appeared to be glued to the floor. I dropped to my knees beside him, wailing and shaking his hand in my attempts to awake him but to no avail. Niall rushed to my aid as I continued to cry out.

"Harry what's- Oh my god." Niall stuttered. "LIAM CALL AN AMBULANCE QUICK!"

**Chapter 1 – My Cries**

[Harry's POV]

I don't know how long we were sat in the hospital waiting room for, but it seemed like years. It felt as if our lives were on hold, nothing could have prepared us for this tragedy. Niall and Zayn turned to me and smiled weakly before returning their bloodshot eyes to the ground. Liam was the only one who hadn't cried, it was almost as if he was trying to hold us together. The boys were sprawled uncomfortably across some hospital chairs, whereas I had curled myself up in the corner of the room, refusing to move. I was rocking back and forward whimpering when Niall appeared and sat himself carefully down next to me. He took one look at my face and held out his arms to me, his eyes brimmed with tears. I sobbed pitifully onto his shoulder as he wiped away his own tears. It was only a matter of minutes before the others joined us and we were all crying in a soggy heap on the floor, even Liam.

"Ahem." We all turned to the door, rubbing our puffy eyes, and saw a stern doctor looking our way. He looked at us wearily before gesturing to the uncomfortable plastic chairs lined up in the centre of the room. Zayn and Liam padded gently over to the chairs sniffing, closely followed by Niall who turned, smiled weakly at me before beckoning me over to join them. I regretfully left my corner which was now covered by small puddle of salty tears and sat with them on the funny chairs.

"I have good news-" the doctor began and my face lit up. "-and bad news," he continued, and my smile vanished.

"Well? Don't keep us waiting!" Zayn pleaded, with a slight hint of rudeness in his voice.

"I'm afraid your friend is in a coma," the doctor started, "he is stable, but we are unsure when or if he will wake up," all four of our faces fell. "You may go in and see him but only one at a time," and with that, he left. Liam and Zayn glanced at each other, their eyes brimmed with tears which were just threatening to spill whilst Niall rubbed me on the back comfortingly. It took me a few seconds to register what had been said, but then something clicked inside of me and I fell to the floor. All of a sudden I heard talking, voices, and I was surrounded by bodies. I heard screams, and it took me a while to register that those screams were mine. Niall pulled me into the corridor and whispered to me reassuringly that everything would be ok. After a while when I had finally calmed myself, I plucked up the courage to allow Niall to tug me back into the waiting room. I didn't feel ready to go and see Louis yet so I told the others they could go first.

"I'll go," stated Liam bravely.

**Chapter 2 – Liam's Promise**

[Liam's POV]

"Hey there sleepy head," I whispered softly as I entered the room, where I instantly saw a sleeping Louis spread out on the bed before me. This had been a great shock to us, but Harry had been taking it worst out of all of us. I was desperate to find out what had motivated Louis to do such an awful thing, he had left a note but it was addressed to Harry and Harry only, so I guess I'd only find out if he woke up. No Liam, when he wakes up. Everything will be okay. I took a step closer to the forlorn looking figure snuggled up on the bed before me. Why wasn't he smiling? Louis always smiles. Louis has a beautiful smile. I remembered something I'd learnt in a science class at school once. Sometimes when people are in a coma, they can here you but can't respond, and with that, I decided to speak to him, no matter how hard it would be.

"Hey Louis," I began, "are you ok? Actually that was a stupid question, I don't think you are okay. Can you hear me Lou? Well that was a stupid question too, you can't exactly answer that can you haha," I smiled wearily at him. I suppose it comforted me to imagine that he could hear me. "Come on Lou, wake up please, for me? For Niall and Zayn? And Harry. Harry's not taking this well, he can barely hold himself together, poor lad. If you won't wake up for Niall, Zayn and I, will you do it for Harry? Your best friend? Come on Lou, why'd you do it? It's crushing us. We can't be One Direction without you it's just-" I was crying now. I couldn't bring myself to say it. "Without you there isn't and there never will be a One Direction. Please Lou." I sighed. "Do you remember Louis? Do you remember the time we went surfing on Manly Beach in Australia? That was fun. We've never been as close as some of the boys Lou, I think that was a mistake. If- no, when- you pull through this, we're gonna be best friends yeah?" I laughed slightly, "We'll go surfing on Manly Beach every single day if that's what it takes, I promise. I'll even admit you were better than me! Because you were, honestly, you shine at everything Lou, honest. Oh my, and what about, what about Eleanor? She can't be here right now, she's in America, but she's devastated Boo Bear, wake up for her? Wake up for Harry? Think back to the X-Factor days. They were fun. Remember when we sang Kids in America? We were having the time of our lives back then. And our first performance of Viva La Vida, that was so scary, but we pulled through, and now you need to pull through, for us," I paused for a moment,

"I used to roll the dice, feel the fear in my enemies' eyes," I sang softly,

"Listened as the crowd would sing,

Now the old king is dead, long live the king.

One minute I held the key, next the walls were closed on me

And I discovered that my castles stand,

Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand." I closed my eyes and felt someone next to me, it was Zayn. He nodded at me encouragingly before grabbing my hand. We sang together.

"I hear Jerusalem bells ringing,

Roman cavalry choirs singing,

Be my mirror my soul my shield, my missionaries in a foreign field.

For some reason I can't explain,

Once you're gone there was never, never an honest word, and that was when I ruled the world." Suddenly it all became too much for me, and I ran out of the room drying my eyes as I went, leaving Zayn with Louis, along with a little piece of my heart.

**Chapter 3 – The Rollercoaster of Life **

[Zayn's POV]

"Hey there mate," I whispered softly, stroking one of my best friend's hands. I was unsure whether or not he could hear but I guess I might as well give talking to him a shot, in the hope that he would understand me. "What are you doing Lou, you've got your eyes shut but it doesn't look like you're enjoying the rollercoaster of life to me," I laughed gently, trying to lighten my mood a little, but then I felt like a douche for laughing when all this was going on. I mean, look at Harry, he was beside himself. "This opportunity only comes once in a lifetime Louis, why would you want to give all this up? Please tell us why you would do this, please wake up," I kneeled next to his bed and held his pale, lifeless hand. "Hold on Lou, you've got to pull through this. Remember all the good times? Remember our temple run? That was funny, getting lost in the streets of Sydney," I sighed. I began to sing,

"All of the stars, have faded away,

Just try not to worry, you'll see them some day.

Just take what you need, and be on your way,

And stop crying your heart out…"

I was interrupted by a passing nurse telling me to quiet down.

"Harry sang that song at boot camp, do you remember Lou? If he hadn't of chosen that song, we wouldn't be One Direction. But then again, if he hadn't of sung that song, you wouldn't be lying there and I wouldn't be sat here talking to myself. Oh what am I saying, we can never be One Direction without you Lou, you're the leader, remember? Imagine the hearts that will break if you don't wake up for us. Mine, Liam's, Niall's? Eleanor's, the fans'? Your family's? Kevin's?" I laughed again. "But most importantly, what about Harry's? He's pretty worked up about this you know, so if you won't pull through for anyone else, would you do it for him Lou? I'm pretty sure he'd do it for you. Oh Louis, in case we don't meet again, I just want you to know that I lo-"

"Ahem," muttered the stern looking doctor again. "Your time is up, Mr Malik." I looked back at Louis for a split second before sighing and padding soundlessly across the clean white floors and back to the waiting room, nodding at Niall and signalling him that it was his turn to enter Louis' room. I assumed Harry still wasn't ready as he was collapsed in a heap half on the chair and half on the floor, with Liam's arms around him. As Niall left I went to sit with Liam. I tapped Harry's shoulder gently and as he turned to me, I noticed a mask of fear etched into his features. The poor lad was not in a good way.

**Chapter 4 – Niall's Song**

[Niall's POV]

The second I walked into Lou's room I felt sick. The feeling of seeing one of your best mates sprawled across a hospital bed, with no colour in his usually glowing cheeks, is not a nice one. How I longed to see those shiny, blue eyes looking at me again, full of laughter and fun. I didn't really want to speak to his lifeless body, it would upset me too much, but I knew I had to, for this could be the last chance I got.

"Hey Lou," I stuttered. I decided music would be a better way to express how I felt. "I wrote you a song." As I said this, I shakily produced a crumpled piece of paper from my back pocket, on which I had scribbled down some lyrics while we were in the waiting room.

"You better

Lose yourself in the music

The moment you own it

You better never let it go

You only get one shot

Do not miss your chance to blow

This opportunity comes

Once in a lifetime"

I sighed. "That's all I got I'm afraid mate, hope you liked it though." I smiled weakly at him. He looked so unhappy, it wasn't right. I cautiously reached over to try and pull the corners of his lips into a small smile, but as I put my arms out to do so, the doctor barged in and caught me tugging at his mouth with my fingers.

"YOU BOY!" he scolded, ushering me out of the door. "This is hospital not a playground!" Suddenly something snapped inside of me. I wasn't just going to leave my friend here looking miserable! I broke down and began to cry, not realising how upset I'd actually been throughout the whole event. Some nurses came bustling in and prised Lou and I apart, they had to drag me out the room to stop me running back in there to be with my friend. They brutally pushed me back into the waiting room and summoned Harry into Louis' room as the last of us to visit him.

I unhappily sunk back into the dirty chair and sulked, but it only took a few seconds before Liam and Zayn were by my side comforting me as I cried. After a few minutes, we three had returned to our previous position of crying our eyes out in the corner of the room. I needed my boys at a time like this, as they needed me. We were always there for each other, it was just too bad that we couldn't all be there for Louis.

**Chapter 5 – I Miss Lou**

[Harry's POV]

This is it Harry. This could be the last chance you get to speak to your best friend. You better not screw this up. Breathe. Must remember to breathe. I thought back to the last thing Louis had said to me.

*The Previous Day*

"I can't go on like this Haz," Louis muttered, sipping his tea.

"What are you talking about dumbass," I laughed. "Shut up and drink your tea."

"I dunno," whispered Louis. There was something off about him tonight. "I just need silence once in a while, you know? I just want to go out without the fans constantly hassling me. As much as I love them, I could do with some privacy sometimes you know?"

"I know exactly what you mean Lou, but don't be silly. We're living the dream buddyyyy!" I shouted, standing up on the sofa. "Love you Lou," I said with a cheeky grin, winking at my friend.

"I'm sorry Haz," Louis sighed as he left the room and went upstairs.

It all made sense now.

I stopped in my tracks when I remembered the conversation from last night. It all made sense now. I could have stopped this. I wiped a couple of remaining tears from under my bloodshot eyes, and bravely entered the room. There he was. My best friend of 2 years was unconscious on the bed in front of me. If I'm honest, it was one of the worst things I'd ever seen. He looked peaceful, but he certainly didn't look happy. I heard the door click behind me and I realised I'd been left alone in the room with Louis and I felt a little better knowing it was just me and him but it didn't cure the initial sickness I had felt in my stomach when I'd first seen his pale body on the bed before me. I edged a little closer to the bed carefully before I realised, this was my best friend. Why aren't I comforting him? I dropped to my knees beside him and gripped his hand.

"Lou! Wake up!" I tried to shot but it came out as more of a hoarse whisper. I tried to wipe the tears falling from my eyes but they were falling too thick and fast for me to catch. A few of the dripped silently onto the back of Lou's colourless hand. "I got your note Lou. I understand the conversation from last night a little better now. But didn't you think about how upset I would be? Today's been hell Lou, I've been worried sick. Please wake up, what about Larry Stylinson? You've always been like a brother to me. Your my best friend Lou I – Oh fuck it. Louis William Tomlinson, I love you. I always have loved you, I want to be with you, you're the only one I love. I would have told you a long time ago but then Eleanor appeared on the scene and I didn't want to muck things up for the two of you. Lou, can you hear me? If you awake from this please don't hate me for this. I want to truth from you and only the truth. Don't worry about hurting me, you're the only one I care about and I need you to pull through this so I can have your opinion, please Lou, wake up, for me, for the boys!" I sighed.

"I'm broken, do you hear me?

I'm blinded, cos you are everything I see,

I'm dancing alone, I'm praying,

That your heart will just turn around" as I finished the verse I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Liam smiling down at me.

"And as I walk up to your door" we sang together.

"My head turns to face the floor

Cos I can't look you in the eyes and say

When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight" I heard two more voices harmonizing with ours so I guessed Niall and Zayn had joined us. I was very grateful to my boys for being there for me.

"It just won't feel right

Cos I can love you more than this

When he lays you down it just won't feel right

Cos I can love you more than this,

Love you more than this." Niall took a deep breath to begin his solo.

"If I'm louder, would you se-" he sang but was interrupted by the harsh sound of beeping from the machines behind us and the sound of Louis' epileptic seizure. Screams, people running in and out, shouting, pulling, bustling, falling, more screams, blackness.

**Chapter 6 – The Note**

[Harry's POV]

I awoke the next morning to a sharp slap round the face and a very concerned looking Niall standing above me.

"Oh hey Niall," I said sleepily.

"Oh good, you're awake," Niall smiled, relaxing back into his chair and taking a bite of his taco. My initial thoughts were Why am I at the hospital? I'll go ask Lou why, but then the events of the previous evening came flooding back to me and I slumped back into my chair and groaned. "Are you okay there buddy?" Niall said with a hint of concern in his voice.

"Well, my best friend has just had a seizure and now I'm stuck here in a hospital so yeah I guess everything's fine and dandy thanks," I muttered sarcastically, but instantly I felt a wave of guilt come over me as I saw Niall's face drop. He was only being nice, and he was probably just as worried as I. I patted his knee reassuringly and he looked at me, his blue eyes dull with sadness and tears threatening to topple down his cheeks. "Sorry for snapping mate, I'm just shocked at all this." He looked up at me, smiled weakly and nodded before returning to twiddling his thumbs.

"Harry, can I ask you something?" he looked up at me, piercing my green eyes with his own blue ones. "What did Louis' note read?" Louis' note. I'd forgotten all about Louis' note. I had recited it to myself so many times when I had been crying that could pretty much tell it by heart. I breathed in and smiled at Niall, his eyes had grown big with anticipation and worry now. I laughed lightly and produced the small, folded note from my pocket.

"Niall, if I give you this note, don't read it now. And keep it. And you have to promise me that you won't tell the other boys anything about it and if-when-Louis pulls through this, you can't tell him you know because it was addressed to me and only me," I said solemnly.

"I swear, I won't tell a soul", he nodded, and I believed him. I handed him the note and he slipped it into his back pocket before smiling at me. "I'm just gonna spend a penny, be right back!" and with that, he left the room, leaving me about 30 minutes to drown myself in my sorrows, all thanks to that taco.

[Niall's POV]

I wanted to read the note Louis had left for Harry as soon as possible, so I slipped into the toilet cubicle silently and produced the crumpled letter from my back pocket. With trembling fingers, I unfolded the note oh so carefully to see Louis' scruffy hand writing scrawled about the page. I could feel myself shaking as I read.

Dearest Harry,

Promise me you won't show this letter to anyone else, not even the other boys? I don't think I'm ready to let them know why I must do this, but I trust you, my best friend.

I know this is going to hurt you, and you must think this is incredibly selfish of me, but I can't take this anymore Haz, the fame, the constant hassle, there's no time for me to ever just be me and relax. I need privacy, I need silence.

I don't know how this is going to turn out. I found some pills in the bathroom cupboard, I figured it would be less painful this way.

I've taken the pills now, and I must admit, I am beginning to feel a little light headed. The floor is spinning. I'm sorry Haz. Tell the boys I'm sorry too and I love them. I really do.

Oh my god Haz, I'm beginning to worry if this was a mistake. I'm shaking and I feel so faint, I don't think this letter is going to be much longer, my hand is trembling.

Harry I just want you to remember this: DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. It's not your fault. I wish we could still be together and you know I do because I LOVE you Harry Edward Styles.

Tell Eleanor I'm sorry too. And that I love her. She's beautiful.

My mum, my mum, tell my mum she's my everything. And tell Lottie, Fizzy and the twins I'll miss them.

This letter has to end here because I honestly don't have long left.

I am Louis William Tomlinson and all I want, is silence.

Goodnight Haz, love, Boo Bear x

I folded the letter up neatly and placed it back in my pocket. I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. I sat in the toilets and I cried. I cried for Louis, I cried for the reason he decided to do this and I cried because I couldn't help thinking that in some way, somehow, this was entirely my fault.

**Chapter 7 – Hell Breaks Loose**

[Harry's POV]

I felt as though I'd betrayed my best friend. Lou had trusted me not to show the other boys that letter and I'd let him down. Didn't the others have a right to know though? Louis was one of their best friends too of course. The doctor interrupted my train of thought by barging into the waiting room and addressing the boys and I.

"We have grave news. Come with me," he whispered ominously. The boys exchanged worried glances but my body suddenly became heavy and I couldn't move. My face had gone pale and I felt weak. Suddenly, Niall held out his hand and gave me a slightly comforting look and I tried to calm myself, though on the inside I felt as though I wanted the ground to swallow me up right there and then. Before I knew it, I was standing by Louis' bed again but this time he was in the intensive care unit and he looked worse than ever. I fell to my knees as my face dropped and I reached for his hand, but Zayn held me back and gave me a look as if to tell me if wasn't a good idea, and then I felt Liam hauling me back up to my feet.

"Calm down Harry," Niall nodded at me. He'd been so good to me the last couple of days.

"I'm sure this is going to be a tough decision for you and I understand that it may upset you, some of you more than others," the doctor glanced at me, "but the time has come to decide whether it would perhaps be appropriate to turn off Mr Tomlinson's life support. I-"

"No," I said quickly. "We're not turning it off. He's going to be fine." I believed myself. Almost.

"Mr Styles, maybe you would just like to take some time to-" he began calmly but I interrupted.

"No," I repeated firmly. The doctor glanced at the other boys and rolled his eyes before leaving us to come to a conclusion, although I was already pretty sure that the other boys were going to back me up on this one. Or so I thought.

The boys proceeded one by one to the chairs situated in different corners of the room, and each sat with their head in their hands, clearly deep in thought. I felt as though I was the only one to remain calm, I mean, the decision had already been made hadn't it?

"B-boys?" I stuttered, running my hands shakily through my hair as I had begun to feel a little panicked on the inside now, clearly the boys had different ideas to me. "Boys what's wrong? Of course we're not going to turn it off! He's our best friend!" I was trembling now, unsure of how the boys could even consider wanting to end it for Louis.

"You see Harry," sighed Liam, "sometimes, you've got to realise that you need to let go you know? Let go of the past and embrace a new future?" My mouth fell into the shape of an O, shocked by the fact Liam was all for turning off the life support.

"And you wouldn't want him to suffer would you?" continued Zayn, trying so hard to be brave, yet the tears in his eyes were still slightly visible. Just as he opened his mouth to finish his sentence, the doctor edged back into the room, obviously expecting a decision to have been made.

"So?" he asked heartlessly, not paying any attention to the fact that for one, I had already made a decision that I was not intent on changing, and two, this was one of our best friends we were dealing with her! I LOVED him! "Are we turning it off or not?" he continued, checking his watch. He really didn't give a shit about how the boys and I were feeling right now. Liam sighed, wiping the last few tears from his eyes with his sleeve.

"We're going to go ahead with it," he stated bravely, with a little nod of his head. I looked at him with the most horrified expression on my face. Then, something inside of me clicked and I threw myself at him, slapping him for being so foolish.

"LIAM HOW COULD YOU DO THIS! HE'S MY BEST FRIEND, HE'S OUR BEST FRIEND! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Spit flew at his face with every word I screeched at him, and a look of fear spread across his face. Just as I was about to continue, I felt Niall and Zayn prising me off the older boy. Zayn stood back and held Liam's shoulders as Niall dragged me to the corner of the room. He quickly pulled me into a gentle but firm hug, not wanting me to get involved again, trying to calm me. I buried my face in his shoulder and pounded his back with my fists, crying out for Louis and demanding that the machine would not be unplugged. Suddenly I stood up straight and stepped calmly out of Niall's arms, ignoring his protests, and walked slowly towards to doctor. "You are not going to unplug that life support, okay?" Everyone looked at me with a shocked expression.

"I'm sorry," replied the doctor, a little more sympathy to be found in his voice this time. "But it's time to let go." I felt the boys hauling me back as I screamed, arms and legs flailing in all directions.

"BUT I'M NOT READY TO LET GO!" I shrieked. "I LOVE LOUIS."

"We know you do," whispered Zayn soothingly. But he didn't understand. None of them understood. I didn't just love him. I adored him, I needed him, and I was not willing to let go. Not yet. But I had too.

The boys pulled me down onto a chair, holding me down while I struggled. The most horrific scene was unfolding before my eyes and there was nothing I could do about it.

I saw the doctor bend down to unplug the large machine. His hand on the plug. The flick of the switch. And one second before the plug was pulled from the socket in the wall, Lou opened his blue eyes. And turned to me. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing more than a whisper came out. It was too late. I heard the clink as the plug fell to the floor, and I saw my best friend's eyes for the last time before they glazed over and his face went pale. BEEEEEEEEEP.

"Time of death, 08:33," noted the doctor. I could of stopped this. Louis was dead and it was my fault. You've really screwed up Styles, said the menacing voice in my head. You're going to pay for this one, I promise.

**Chapter 8 – Letters**

[Harry's POV]

*2 weeks after Louis' death*

I didn't sleep for two weeks after Lou went away. I never liked to say that he'd died, because he hadn't, he was still here with us, it was just a shame there was no way for us to communicate. Or was there..

Dear Lou,

Well. I can say for sure that it's been tough without you. Oh what am I saying Lou, it's been unbearable, I'm struggling to carry on.

I haven't slept a wink since you left us. I do try though, don't worry. I always lie in your bed though instead, it makes me believe that there really is a little bit of you really is still here with me. Your bed smells like you Lou, haha, it smells like the after shave you always used to use.

I miss you.

I miss your sparkly blue eyes and I miss your shining personality. I miss the way your smile could light up the whole room in a matter of seconds Lou.

It's not fair.

Why did you have to leave us? I know why. I read your note. I recite it each night as I sleep. I've been unfaithful Lou. I'm sorry. I showed Niall the note, I'm so sorry, I thought he had the right to know and it was a spur-of-the-moment decision, I hope you can forgive me Lou.

Did you hear me in the hospital? Apparently when people are in a coma they can hear you, I remember Liam telling me that once. I don't like that word, coma. And I was so mean to Liam, I shouted at him because he didn't want you to suffer. It was so selfish of me Lou, I would never want my best friend to suffer. Anyway, if you heard me at the hospital, it's true. I love you Louis Tomlinson and I hope you can accept that. If not, I still want to be your best friend, I want to be by your side always. I know I can't be at the moment Lou, because you're up there and I'm down here. But I'll join you soon Lou, I promise.

Niall, Liam and Zayn miss you too Lou. But I think I miss you most. Don't tell them I said that.

Eleanor cried. Eleanor cried almost as much as I did. We held each other and cried our hearts our Lou, she loved you and so did I. I didn't tell her that of course.

I went to see your family the other day, but they demanded that we never bother them again Lou, they want nothing to do with me and the others. They blame us. I thought they might want some support Lou, but I guess it's their choice.

We're not One Direction anymore, Lou. Well, technically we are, management are already pressuring us to get back in the recording studios. But I don't feel like a part of it anymore. They don't understand Lou, no one understands what I'm going through. Not even the other boys. Obviously they're pretty cut up about it too, but I loved you. Obviously they did too Lou, but not like I did.

Did you know it's your funeral tomorrow Lou? I don't like that word either, funeral. I guess your funeral is the last chance I have to say goodbye to you, but I'm not sure I'm ready to let go. I don't like the thought of letting you go Lou. I guess I feel like, once we've had your funeral that you really will be gone and then there will be no going back. I want to go back Lou. I want to go back to the evening before you died, I could've stopped this Lou, and I know you said not to blame myself but I really do.

I regret not telling you how I felt about you Lou. I wish there was something I could do to bring you back, but I know that until I pluck up the courage to join you that you won't find out how I feel. Unless of course, you really did hear me that time in the hospital.

If I could bring you back I could, but until we meet again, a little piece of you will always remain in my heart.

I love you Boo Bear,

Haz x

I placed the note on his bed, knowing that there wasn't a hope in hell he would be able to read it, but what's the harm in hoping?

**Chapter 9 – The Funeral**

[Harry's POV]

I woke up the morning of the funeral after my first and made it to the toilet just time to vomit noisily into it. Niall joined me and rubbed my back while I threw my guts up into the bowl. He sighed and left me on my own. Niall had recently become my best friend out of the boys, although I'm pretty sure he thought of me as his best friend more than I thought of him as mine. As far as I was concerned, Louis was my best friend and nothing would ever change that, but I guess Niall was a fair substitute until I was to join Lou.

Today was to be the hardest day yet. I pulled myself away from the bathroom floor, which sent shivers down my spine as this was the exact spot in which I had found Louis on that fateful night. I plodded across the floor sluggishly and crept past Niall's room into my room. I'd given up trying to sleep in Lou's room and I guessed Nialler would have gone back to sleep now, it was only 5am. I might as well start getting ready now, I said to myself.

I found the straight, black trousers I used to wear at premieres and the black blazer to match, but then I remembered what Louis had once said:

"I don't like it when people wear black at funerals, it's so depressing," he laughed, his smile filling me with warmth. "At my funeral, everyone has to be as colourful as possible!"

"Yeah well hopefully I'll never have to go to your funeral Lou. Your charm and good looks would probably kill me first anyway!" I giggled, and winked to make it seem as though I was joking, although I secretly wasn't. Louis grinned and winked back at me, setting off thousands of butterflies in my stomach.

I shook my head and tossed the dismal, black outfit back into my wardrobe and took a deep breath before entering Louis' room again. The familiar smell of his scent hit me like a ton of bricks and I fell to be knees, sobbing quietly so I wouldn't wake Niall. Liam and Zayn shared a different apartment. Slowly, I prised myself from the floor and stumbled over to Louis' old wardrobe, covered with cobwebs after not being touched for so long. I searched through his old clothes, relishing in the feel of them and eventually picked out a pair of red skinny jeans and a white and blue stripy top. I hobbled back to my own room and tried them on in front of my long mirror. It hurt seeing myself in Lou's clothes but felt sort of comforting at the same time as it connected us in some way. I rummaged through my own wardrobe. In the end, I matched Louis' top and jeans with my own navy blue blazer and some navy blue supras. I think I'm colourful enough… I wasn't keen on seeing myself dressed in one of Lou's favourite outfits. Tears lined in my green orbs and bashed my fist on the mirror in anguish, and for a split second I saw it smash into a million tiny pieces before I fell back on the bed…

I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn round to see those familiar, sparkling blue eyes staring back down at me.

"L-Lou?" I stuttered, "You're back?" He smiled and shook his head, and lifted his finger to my mouth, tracing it along my bottom lip, sending shivers down my spine.

"I saw your note, Styles," he whispered softly, and I felt a grin grow on my face, but Louis frowned and shook his head. "I know you miss me, Haz. I've seen you. But you mustn't try to join me. Not yet, it's not your time. Go out and live your life, your young Haz, be One Direction. You don't need me, you've never needed me." I shook my head earnestly, but he ignored me. "Bye Haz," he whispered sadly, and leaned in to kiss my forehead. I closed my eyes, enjoying the moment, but when I re-opened them he was gone. He had left me. I fell to my knees in despair.

"BUT I DO NEED YOU LOU, I LOVE YOU!"

I winced as Niall dabbed my poorly hand with a wet cloth. I opened my eyes and looked at him, before realising I was no longer stretched out on my bed with the newly broken mirror scattered before me.

"Liam and I found you on your bed, your hands in a bad way, what happened? We were really worried and-" Niall babbled, but I interrupted.

"Niall don't worry about me. But, how exactly did I get here? And where am I?" I questioned. Just then, I felt Zayn and Liam come up behind us.

"When we found you," Zayn began, "You looked so peaceful so we tried not to wake you."

"So we carefully got you in the car," Liam continues. I looked up at my three closest friends and realised they all have tears in their eyes. I gathered we were at the funeral and I burst into tears, just as the vicar interrupted us. It was time for the ceremony to begin.

"And now we have a poem from Harry Styles," said the vicar solemnly. I rose out of my seat, gaining encouraging pats on the back from the rest of the boys. Many tears had fallen already today, especially from me, and I had a feeling there were about to be a few more.

"Hello everyone." I spoke clearly, trying to be brave. I'm not sure I had that many tears left to cry after almost three weeks of not stop bawling. I looked out into the sea of familiar faces, trying to figure out who each one was. There were the boys, obviously, our management, Simon Cowell, Paul, Lou Teasdale and Lux, Eleanor, one fan who was to give a speech on behalf of all the Directioners and right at the back, weeping into her handbag was Jay, Louis' mum who stated that she never wanted to see us again. The twins were next to her. I felt a little uneasy knowing that they were there, but the show must go on. I tried hard to push the thought to the back of my mind. "I've written a poem." I cleared my throat:

"I hate to say

That there comes a day

When good things come to an end

But one love that was true

Was my love for you, Lou

Because you'll always be my best friend.

Some days are bad

And some days are sad

On this day, many tears have been shed

It's 'cause I miss you Lou

I truly do

And I can never get you out of my head.

I know you're not here

But you'll always be near

I can't bear that we're apart

I'll never forget you

Because I loved you Lou

And you'll always be kept in my heart."

And with that, I stepped down from the platform on which I had been stood on, and ran down the aisle bawling my eyes out, completely oblivious to the standing ovation and humungous round of applause my brave attempt at a poem had received.

**Chapter 10 – Last Words**

[Harry's POV]

Over the last six weeks I cried myself to sleep every night, huddled up in one of Louis' oversized tops, and then every night I would have the same dream that I had the morning before his funeral where he left me alone. But he couldn't just leave me like that. I needed him.

We got back in the recording studios shortly after the funeral, which all the other boys seemed fine with, I couldn't believe they had got over Louis' death so fast. I, on the other hand, had got worse. I'd pretty much stopped eating altogether and was weak, if I got any skinnier I'd end up doing down the plug with the water after I took a shower. It was sickening just to look at my body. You could see all by ribs and other odd bones that no one wants to see quite clearly, unless I wore a top that was at least three sizes too big. All of my old clothes were far too big now anyway even though I had only been in a medium size before.

I hadn't left the house in four days by the time I found Louis' diary, hidden in the place no man or woman would think to look. His sock drawer. I was going through it, looking for all Lou's old clothes. Wearing them comforted me. But as I was looking for a pair of his signature stripy socks I came across the little leather book, and I gave into temptation. I spent the whole day reading through it and each little extract broke my heart a little bit more. There was one in particular though, that broke me inside and made me want to weep so much that there would be nothing left to weep.

Dear Diary,

Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have? I don't mean just like, someone who's not right for you, what I really mean is, have you ever fallen in love with your best friend? I think I have.

Every time I look into those deep green eyes my heart flutters, and I just want to hold him in my arms and be able to call him mine. I can't though.

For starters, there's Eleanor. And I love her, I really do, it's just that I'm not sure she loves me back as much as she used to. I'm not sure if she's really the right girl for me. And secondly, a guy like this would never feel the same about a guy like me as I do about him. I hope this makes sense to you, haha.

Have you ever liked someone that you can guarantee doesn't like you back? It hurts. Every time I see that curly mess cry, every time I see a slight hint of sadness in those shining green orbs I just want to be able to hold him tight and tell him that it will all be ok, and that I'll look after him.

I don't think I've ever loved anyone quite as much as I love Harry Edward Styles.

Love Lou x

P.S: Haz, if you ever find this, please consider your feelings for me? I'm sorry if this completely wrecks our friendship but this is exactly why I have kept my emotions in here instead of sharing them with you, because I guessed the most sensible thing to do was to focus on maintaining our friendship. If you don't feel the same way, just promise me that Larry Stylinson isn't dead yeah? Come find me, Boo Bear x

I held the little book to my chest and sobbed my broken heart out. I rose to my feet slowly and walked to over to the mirror, and, if I was honest with myself, I looked like death warmed up. And that was the moment I decided; I was going to go and find my Lou, and we would be together at last. I remembered what he had said in the dream I had witnessed time after time, "But you mustn't try to join me. Not yet, it's not your time". Well now my time had come.

Niall, Zayn and Liam had joined me for a final dinner. I had told them I was in a good mood and I planned on not mentioning Louis for the whole evening, so could enjoy the few precious hours I had left with my friends. As we finished our meals, tacos, I make a mean taco, I stood up and smiled at the three boys who were, other than my mum, the only reason I had waited until now to end my suffering. I stood up and smiled down at them, preparing what I was about to say.

"Boys, I just want you to know that I love you, and over the last two years, I have had the adventure of a lifetime touring the world with you, my three best friends. And I know some awful things have happened in the last few months but you guys have pulled me through it all. And I'd just like to thank you. Liam, the smart one. You have always been the one to hold us together if ever a bad situation were to arise. I've had some good times with you mate. Time after time you've always been there to pick me back up if I felt down. Thank you." Liam smiled up at me gratefully. "Zayn Malik, well what can I say about you. Zarry has certainly had its moments hasn't it! I think I've got to say, you are one of the funniest guys I have ever met. I admire you. I honestly do. All this mess, it's all been part of the big rollercoaster of life I guess hasn't it. Thanks for inspiring me Zayn. People like you give me hope." I looked down into Zayn's shining brown eyes, full of true happiness for the first time in weeks. "And Niall. I have so much I can say to you. In the last few months you have become my best friend and I can't thank you enough for that. You were there for me through everything and I owe you everything for that. Thank you Nialler. If it weren't for you, and the others obviously, I wouldn't be here talking to you today." A tear fell from his sparkly, blue eye. "Thank you boys, I love you." And with that, we shared a manly hug and they left. No words were needed, they knew how I felt about them and I know that they're grateful for hearing the truth from me. I just only wish I didn't have to hurt them so much with what I was about to do.

**Chapter 11 – The Worst Things In Life Come Free To Us**

[Harry's POV]

I took one last look at myself in the mirror before climbing the stairs up to the attic. I was wearing what I had worn on the day of Louis' funeral, his stripy top and red jeans combined with my navy blue blazer and supras. I made sure the front door was locked so the boys couldn't reach me, I didn't want to do this to them but I needed to be with Louis.

I stumbled up the stairs, my breath uneven, and as I found myself in the attic I took a quick peek out the window and saw a huge crowd of fans had already gathered outside my window. The boys were there too, I guess they'd all seen my tweet but I'm sure they weren't expecting what was coming next.

Harry_Styles: You guys need to come outside my apartment block today to hear me sing again. I'm sorry guys. I love

I found the little step ladder Lou had always kept in the attic in case he was in a DIY mood and pushed it over to where the little window in the roof was. I took one last deep breath before opening the flap and hobbling out onto the roof.

"HELLO GUYS," I cried out to the large crowd before me. "I JUST WANT YOU ALL TO REALISE THAT I LOVE YOU, AND YOU ALL MEAN THE WORLD TO ME." I took a deep breath before I began to sing my last song.

" Shut the door

Turn the light off

I wanna be with you

I wanna feel your love

I wanna lay beside you

I cannot hide this

Even though I try

Heart beats harder

Time escapes me

Trembling hands

Touch skin

It makes this hard girl

And the tears stream down my face

If we could only have this life

For one more day

If we could only turn back time

You know I'll be

Your life

Your voice

Your reason to be

My love

My heart

Is breathing for this

Moment in time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today

Close the door

Throw the key

Don't wanna be reminded

Don't wanna be seen

Don't wanna be without you

My judgment's clouded

Like tonight's sky

Hums are silent

Voice is numb

Try to scream out my lungs

It makes this harder

And the tears stream down my face

If we could only have this life

For one more day

If we could only turn back time

You know I'll be

Your life

Your voice

Your reason to be

My love

My heart

Is breathing for this

Moment in time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today

Flashing lights in my mind

Going back to the time

Playing games in the street

Kicking balls with my feet

There's a numb in my toes

Standing close to the edge

There's a pile of my clothes

At the end of your bed

As I feel myself fall

Make a joke of it all

You know I'll be

Your life

Your voice

Your reason to be

My love

My heart

Is breathing for this

Moment in time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today"

I took a deep breath. "MY NAME IS HARRY EDWARD STYLES. AND ALL I WANT, IS SILENCE." I took my last breath. I jumped. The fans screamed in horror and I saw the boys trying to calm Niall. Suddenly, silence.

"I thought I told you it wasn't your time," whispers a familiar voice from behind me. I turn round and am greeted with the most gorgeous baby blue eyes I've ever seen.

"Lou? Where am I?" I ask, my eyes wide in shock.

"Well Haz, this is heaven," Louis sighs. "Oh who am I kidding." He turns to me with one of the biggest grins I've ever seen. "Haz, I am so glad you joined me. I love you." And with that, he kisses me passionately. It is by far the best kiss I have ever had, and I am so glad to finally be stood here in Lou's arms.

"Lou…" I start, "I love you too." We kiss again, and I realise that although I have left behind so much, this is the best decision I've ever made, and now I can finally be happy.

Epilogue – 20 Years On

I kiss goodbye to my wife of 10 years Danielle Payne and wave goodbye to my 7 year old son James Niall Payne, before getting into my shiny new black land rover and driving down the road to my now ordinary job of making parts for aeroplanes in a factory with my father. One Direction spilt up after the whole incident, as you can probably guess. I drive down the road just as the traffic lights turn green, good timing, I thought to myself. Just as I'm about to drive out into the crossroads, Niall and Zayn cry out for me to stop, so I pull over just as a huge lorry careers down the road in front of me. If I had gone, I'd be dead. I put my head on the steering wheel and begin to cry. The thing was, that Niall and Zayn had died in a tragic car accident on this very crossroads three years ago, and now they had stopped me from meeting the same fate. It just goes to show, that the bonds we built in the brief time we were a part of One Direction were strong enough to last a lifetime, and that in the end, love will always conquer all.


End file.
